When Everything You Do Looks Like Rubbish
Ideas for how to stop the spiral of overworked art and a personal spiral involving my kids and art... it gets vulnerable in this one...
This week my kids have been off at art camp- my youngest’s first Summer camp which he’s loving but deemed the days to be too long. Unfortunately for him, camp is one hour shorter than the school day he will be jumping into in just over a month and a half and camp is likely much more fun than he will find school as well.
That said, I’ve had an abundance of time to get back to work and much to my own frustration have found myself running into the same problem over and over again.
The bulk of the drawings I’ve done in the last week have been painfully overworked. So much so, they don’t amount to much of anything beyond a tight, mushy mess of muddy colors. I think some of my problem is stemming from both of my kids going off to full day school. I worry about how my son is going to transition into full day kindergarten. Mentally he’s ready. He started reading this Summer, he’s been doing math with his big sister he’s set in that regard. Emotionally however, he still has a fair bit of separation anxiety despite three years of half day preschool.
He’s good at communicating how he’s feeling, there’s no flailing of limbs or giant fits, he just cries.
Quietly.
Heartbreakingly.
Crocodile sized tears stream down his cheeks, he buries his face into my hair and whispers he wants to be with me. He is slow to come out of his shell in new situations. Guarded about who gets to see him in all his silly, clever, glory.
There are clear paths to help your kiddo get ready for school when it comes to knowledge. Reading more, practicing letter recognition and sounds, building dexterity and hand strength… But what about when they are built a little bit different. More sensitive? More timid? Overwhelmed around too many people… what do you do then?
The other side of my kids both being at school all day is what it means for me and my time? I’ve been asked a lot what I will do when they are both off in school. My mind will be my own for hours at a time.
I can go all in on my work for the first time in ages. But, because I am who I am, this inevitably leads to a self induced pressure about not mucking it up. To find some level of success in my endeavors. But I don’t even think I know what that looks like for me anymore.
I can say with certainty I want to make an impact with my work.
I can say with near certainty that I’d like that impact to be climate related.
and that’s about as far as I’ve made it.
I’ve never been good at figuring out my place… you would think at nearly 40 years old I’d have it more resolved, yeah? Not like I’m still just fumbling around the edges of something.
That’s enough vulnerability for today though eh?
If every drawing you’ve made recently is also rubbish here’s some ideas to break the spiral
Try drawing with your non dominant hand. The looseness and lack of expectation is glorious and should help you lighten up
Write!
I can’t advocate taking some time to free write enough. Don’t worry about how you’re butchering words in the process. You can always go back and make small adjustments later, namely so you can comprehend what you were rambling about down the road. I find that when I free write I also frequently skip words. Like my brain moves faster than my hand so when I go back and reread it a few days later I try to clear it up for my future self.
You can also try setting a timer and picking one thing to draw with. Charcoal, graphite stick, pen, whatever, Keep it short and quick. It takes out the chance for you to get too fussy.
I drew this little Texas Primrose yesterday after doing the above and I rather like it in all it’s sweet simplicity.
The Cloud
I also moved forward with my cloud/animation project and my family have given opposing opinions about it’s current state. I think I want to soothe the colors down a bit, they are pretty intense currently but I feel tentatively happy with where it’s at? I’m open to critique
I’d originally planned to put another flower drawing like the one above in this little cave type nook but now I’m wondering if I should make a smaller house instead? The house photographed here is a bit big but an idea of where it could head nonetheless.
also, it’s something I really love…
Lastly, when you’re planting perennials patience goes a long way but the reward after a few years of plants settling in is unreal. This is the most colorful our garden has been since switching to native plants.
Okay, I’m off to make the most of the last few hours I have before my kids art show,
Cheers,
Bec